Despite all the turmoil of the last few years, inside I am stronger than ever.
It seems ironic that in my quest to find happiness, the perfect man, the perfect relationship... I have found none of those things that I so desperately desired. Instead,  I have found myself. I have found that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I have found that I am braver than I ever thought. I have found that I love and like myself. I have found that I can be a real bitch. I have found that who I am has nothing to do with who I am with. I have found that sense of self worth that I was missing my entire life.
I see now that in all my past relationships, I was so in love with the man and so desperately wanted him to love me, so I would have value. Ironically, it took being in a horrible relationship for me to see that who I am - has nothing to do with the man I am with. This is really weird because I am stripped of all the false things that I used to value myself for. Mostly physical characteristics; I was once younger, thinner and more attractive. I was once a very sexual woman, who thought that good relationships were sexual relationships. Wow. Now I am 100 lbs over weight, and it doesn't matter. I value myself. I like how I think and the things that I do. I feel so unbelievable strong inside. My husband can go into the worlds worst tirade and I am unaffected. I speak to him and try to keep calm in our home but move forward like a ship in a storm, he can not sway me from my course. His outbursts are not me. They are about him and his problems. I let them go.